Flint Hill Takes Proactive Approach to Cyberbullying

When decided to initiate its 1:1 laptop program this school year, faculty knew they needed to become knowledgeable about potential problems before giving every Upper School student a computer to take home.

Thus, the Safe Technology Task Force was formed to focus on teaching the Flint Hill community — students, parents, staff — about how to be safe while using this new, accessible resource.

The task force now meets weekly, and part of what they've done is put together "Essential Technology Briefings" for Flint Hill families. The first session, hosted last May, focused on increasing knowledge of cyber safety.

On Feb. 9 and 10, the briefings continued with guest speaker Rachel Simmons discussing cyberbullying and social media.

Simmons is the author of "The Curse of the Good Girl: Raising Authentic Girls with Courage and Confidence" and "Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls." She also speaks on issues of social media.

"We needed to make sure we as the adults know more about this social media phenomenon, that we have a better idea of what our children can and should be doing, and what we need to know to support them in this process," John Thomas, headmaster of the school, told the group of parents at the Feb. 9 session.

Most of Simmons' session focused on making parents aware of how children and teenagers are using social media sites and letting them know they do have power over their tech-savvy kids.

"There is, I think, a very destructive myth out there that basically defines parents as digital immigrants and kids as digital natives. This is just wrong," Simmons said to her audience. "To make the assumption that you don't get it and they do actually ends up exposing them to more danger. ...

"Kids have hijacked the rules and the norms around technology and social media, and it is OK for you to take it back. You have the right to say no, you have the right to know their password, you have the right to check in on what they're doing and what websites they're viewing."

But in order to take control, parents need to understand what they're battling against. Social networking sites like Facebook also allow people to project an image of themselves they think will be accepted by their peers. Those sites also can become their identities and their means for relating to people, making those not on Facebook feel like social outcasts.

"Essentially, you're dealing with addicts," Simmons said. "They're addicted to their gadgets, they cannot control themselves. They desperately need you to control them."

Simmons explained how socialization has been transferred to the online world, saying "Part of what you see online isn't really that different from they're doing in real life. Its meaning changes online, its impact changes online, because it's so public."

So, just as it's typical to see teenage girls socialize by talking and gathering in groups, you see the online version of that with girls more often posting social networking sites and relating to their friends through it. Boys, on the other hand, are more likely to "run around the playground and play," which online translates as watching videos and playing games, Simmons said.

Simmons gave a few statistics:

• Kids ages 8 to 18 spend about 7 1/2 hours a day with some type of media device.
• The average teen is texting 3,000 times per month.
• Seventh- through 12th-graders are reporting spending an average of an hour-and-35-minutes per day sending and receiving texts.
• Girls send and receive 50 more texts per day than boys.
• Girls ages 14 to 17 are texting an average of 100 times per day.
• Girls are more likely to carry their phones on them at all times.
• Boys are going to spend more time playing video games, computer games and going to video sites like YouTube.

In order to combat cyberbullying, it is necessary to combat the everyday humiliations and confrontations that happen between kids and give them the tools to handle those situations, Simmons said. Otherwise, the "hardcore bullying we always hear about happens."

That goes for both online and in the real world, Simmons said.

Simmons has hosted seminars with girls at Flint Hill over the past few years dealing with relational aggression. The seminars consist of lessons on how to deal with conflicts, such as what to do if your best friend stops talking to you or what to do if you're feeling ganged up on.

Flint Hill does what it can to keep the students in check, relying heavily on the school's honor code and the technology acceptable use policy to set standards, Thomas said.

The honor code, which students sign at the beginning of each school year, states "As a member of the Flint Hill community, I will strive to be honorable and to uphold the standard of integrity of the school community." The acceptable use policy makes clear that this standard is applicable on and off campus and extends "to how students present themselves online."

The penalty for breaking the technology acceptable use policy can include suspension or expulsion, though there are measures in place to handle situations before they escalate to that point.

"We're very proactive. Certainly we've had issues [with cyberbullying], every school does," said Barbara Benoit, director of counseling. "I think because we are proactive and we try to create an atmosphere of safety, we are able to be ahead of it."

Overall, the parents in attendance did not seem surprised by Simmons' presentation, but they did feel a sense of hope by the end.

"I certainly think one of the things she was trying to do, and she succeeded with me, is empowering the parents," said Deborah Cohen, a mother of Flint Hill fifth- and seventh-graders. "I think it does help for parents to know that yes, you can take the power."