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Health & Fitness

Talk About Alcohol with Your Teen

By Melissa Sporn

“Kate did something that I am very proud of,” my brother shared during our routine weekly phone conversation. He recounted that his daughter Kate, a high school junior, had attended a party over the weekend. My brother, who works long hours, texted his daughter at 10 p.m. that he was going to go to sleep. She texted him back that she would be home by her 11 p.m. curfew.

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At 3 in the morning my brother awoke concerned because the lights were still on downstairs. He checked his phone, and found a text from Kate: “Had a few sips of alcohol, decided not to drive home, going to sleep at friend’s house.” 

I could hear my brother’s pride over the phone as he shared this example of my niece’s maturity. I asked my brother, “Have you had a conversation with her about her drinking?”  He was stopped dead in his prideful tracks. 

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“Come on Missy” he retorted, “you know teenagers drink.” 

Yes, I know it, but I don’t condone it, I don’t ignore it, and I make it clear that I don’t approve of it. I mentioned the risks that arise from early drinking as well as those specific to young and vulnerable girls. I could hear the gears in his head churning. 

My brother is a doctor; he is an intelligent, thoughtful and caring father. However, when it came to alcohol, he was willing to turn a blind eye. Why? 

Was it that he wanted to praise her good choices and overlook the bad ones? Was it that he, felt that “kids will be kids” or was it more profound? Is alcohol the third rail for parents? Could the fact that my brother is a wine connoisseur influence his ability to step in when his daughter engages in this dangerous and illegal behavior?  

I hear often about parents hosting parties for their teenagers where these parents provide the alcohol. I listen as friends debate the belief that kids need to experiment before going to college or they will “go wild” once in college.

I question the phrase “drugs and alcohol” as if alcohol is not a potent and hazardous drug? According to the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, 5,000 people under age 21 die each year from alcohol-related car crashes, homicides, suicides, alcohol poisoning, and other injuries. That doesn’t account for the number of non-fatal injuries, sexual assaults and the negative effects on teen functioning. 

Research suggests that, contrary to what we think, parents' opinions do influence their child’s behavior. There is a reason the drinking age is 21: Those who wait until then are 84 percent less likely to develop an addiction.  Adolescents’ brains are still developing, and as part of this process, they are prone to risk taking and a belief that they are invulnerable. Many are incapable of realizing the inherent dangers in experimentation. 

We need to be direct with our teenagers about the risks of drinking, send a clear message that we do not approve, and hold them accountable for their engaging in illegal drinking.

I think about the call my brother could have received at 3 in the morning, and I am relieved that he has the time to have a conversation with his daughter.

Don’t wait to have this important conversation with your child. The upcoming holidays are a great opportunity. Some kids experiment with alcohol as early as age 11, so it’s not too early to have this talk. The Unified Prevention Coalition of Fairfax County has a "Tis the Season to Talk with Teens About Drinking and Drugs" tip sheet that you may find useful.

Melissa Sporn is a clinical psychologist working in McLean, Va., and the parent of two teenagers. She is on the board of the Safe Community Coalition and a member of the Unified Prevention Coalition of Fairfax County.

The Unified Prevention Coalition of Fairfax County is a nonprofit organization with more than 50 community partners working together to keep youth and young adults safe and drug-free. Visit www.unifiedpreventioncoalition.org and www.facebook.com/unifiedpreventioncoalition. Follow the group on Twitter at www.twitter.com/keepyouthsafe.

 

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