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You Ain’t Seen Nothing Yeti

Good jointly owned mythical creatures make good neighbors

As the nine billion degree temperatures this weekend not-so-subtly announced, it’s summertime. The time of year that is marked by lazy days, barbecues, swimming in the pool, and this year … discovering what fabulous getup our Yeti is donning.

You read that right. For the past two months, a two-and-a-half-foot-tall Bigfoot has resided on the property line between our next door neighbor's house and ours. You see, several weeks ago, when I wrote a column about , my next-door neighbor did not read past the first paragraph of the column. It was not my writing that grabbed her, rather a link to the SkyMall catalog offering an assortment of Garden Yetis. She was determined we should purchase one, and as my husband and I are of like mind that hard-earned money should be thrown at ridiculousness, we ordered ourselves a Yeti.

And in those two months, other neighbors on our block have assumed the responsibility of dressing the Yeti in an assortment of themed costumes. (Note to self: "Dressing the Yeti" should totally become a euphemism.) So far, our Yeti has worn fairy wings, a tricorn hat, a mounted deer head, nose glasses, and recently, was clutching an American flag (for Memorial Day, natch).

And the compulsion to dress the Yeti (pardon my French) is contagious. During , I searched religiously (heh) and fruitlessly for a Yeti-sized papal mitre with thoughts of adorning the beast. (Note to self, part two: "Adorning the beast" is also a promising euphemism.) Disappointingly, I also had no luck finding a popener (a Pope-themed bottle opener) on this trip. This, after I heard how great the shopping was in Italy. Harrumph.

So far, all of the neighborhood dogs have shown lots of interest in the Yeti, as have people walking by. A few days ago, one neighbor reported that people she did not recognize had stopped to take photos. As for my next-door neighbor, she brought Yeti inside when she hosted book club recently. And I’m thinking of including the Yeti as part of the family photo on our .

Yeti has already created so much joy and unity. Really the only thing we’re missing is a name for our creature. This is where you, my hilarious readers, come in. Help name our Yeti by leaving your suggestions in the comments and if we select your name, we’ll dress the Yeti in a getup of your choice.

Think about it: For all you beast-adorning deviants, we'll be "dressing the Yeti" in your honor.

Trish Strat May 30, 2012 at 02:32 PM
Cryptid
dilettante07 May 30, 2012 at 02:48 PM
Spaghetti Confetti Geddy Betty Serengeti Ralph
Dan Steinberg May 30, 2012 at 03:00 PM
The following are all fine, fine names for Yetis: Biggles van Pelt [sic] Leopold
Kathleen Canedo May 30, 2012 at 03:11 PM
God, I love you people.
lisa miller May 30, 2012 at 03:23 PM
You took my Geddy!
lisa miller May 30, 2012 at 03:31 PM
Yeti Lee D'brickashaw Aunt Bunny Kourtney, Kim, or Khloe (Yeti's got back!) Bob
Beth Barnes May 30, 2012 at 03:47 PM
I don't know why, but I need to see the Yeti in a kimono to take this at all seriously.
Astra Groskaufmanis May 30, 2012 at 04:00 PM
Wow. A garden Yeti. Sure beats my gnome...
Steve Seno May 30, 2012 at 06:28 PM
Great article Kathleen. We have just introduced our 6 foot, Bigfoot the Giant Life-size Yeti Statue. We call him here at Toscano "The Bigger Foot". Bet your neighbors will get a kick out of that... http://www.designtoscano.com/product/code/NE110119.do
Kathleen Canedo May 30, 2012 at 06:31 PM
Steve - We are actually trying to revive our homeowners association and charge dues for the sole purpose of purchasing the life-sized Yeti. That is fantastic.
Liz Lippy May 30, 2012 at 07:06 PM
Steve - the life sized yeti would be an excellent addition to our front yard. The only issue is the life sized price tag! Perhaps your company would be interested in a very large discount so as to get all the free publicity from Brutalism and me :)
Bonnie Horowitz May 30, 2012 at 07:52 PM
Is Machete too violent?
kath May 30, 2012 at 09:54 PM
Al as in Alberto Giacomyeti Rick Santorum Bruce
Dan Steinberg May 30, 2012 at 11:16 PM
I'm offended that the Skymall people think six feet is "life size" for a yeti.
dilettante07 May 31, 2012 at 11:53 AM
Maybe you should sell the naming rights? "look canetto! Someone put a sombrero on tacobell.com yeti! Let's count our money again."

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