You Ain’t Seen Nothing Yeti
Good jointly owned mythical creatures make good neighbors
As the nine billion degree temperatures this weekend not-so-subtly announced, it’s summertime. The time of year that is marked by lazy days, barbecues, swimming in the pool, and this year … discovering what fabulous getup our Yeti is donning.
You read that right. For the past two months, a two-and-a-half-foot-tall Bigfoot has resided on the property line between our next door neighbor's house and ours. You see, several weeks ago, when I wrote a column about how antisocial I am on airplanes, my next-door neighbor did not read past the first paragraph of the column. It was not my writing that grabbed her, rather a link to the SkyMall catalog offering an assortment of Garden Yetis. She was determined we should purchase one, and as my husband and I are of like mind that hard-earned money should be thrown at ridiculousness, we ordered ourselves a Yeti.
And in those two months, other neighbors on our block have assumed the responsibility of dressing the Yeti in an assortment of themed costumes. (Note to self: "Dressing the Yeti" should totally become a euphemism.) So far, our Yeti has worn fairy wings, a tricorn hat, a mounted deer head, nose glasses, and recently, was clutching an American flag (for Memorial Day, natch).
And the compulsion to dress the Yeti (pardon my French) is contagious. During our recent trip to Italy, I searched religiously (heh) and fruitlessly for a Yeti-sized papal mitre with thoughts of adorning the beast. (Note to self, part two: "Adorning the beast" is also a promising euphemism.) Disappointingly, I also had no luck finding a popener (a Pope-themed bottle opener) on this trip. This, after I heard how great the shopping was in Italy. Harrumph.
So far, all of the neighborhood dogs have shown lots of interest in the Yeti, as have people walking by. A few days ago, one neighbor reported that people she did not recognize had stopped to take photos. As for my next-door neighbor, she brought Yeti inside when she hosted book club recently. And I’m thinking of including the Yeti as part of the family photo on our holiday card.
Yeti has already created so much joy and unity. Really the only thing we’re missing is a name for our creature. This is where you, my hilarious readers, come in. Help name our Yeti by leaving your suggestions in the comments and if we select your name, we’ll dress the Yeti in a getup of your choice.
Think about it: For all you beast-adorning deviants, we'll be "dressing the Yeti" in your honor.