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Community Corner

Shop-A-Phobia

As if I needed another reason to avoid shopping

The economy is certainly taking its time to rebound and, according to a Money magazine article I recently read, this is probably my fault. The author noted that consumer spending is what helps the economy recover. And I hate shopping.

Truly, I hate it. With a hatred I normally reserve for movie sequels, boy bands, and restaurants that sell drinks called “Megaritas.”

I should clarify: I hate shopping in malls. I would rather do almost anything than spend time in a mall, and cannot understand how people actually enjoy spending their free time wandering around inside these windowless, soulless big-box mini cities. Thank goodness for local boutiques, because otherwise I’d still be rocking a “Frankie Say Relax” t-shirt and parachute pants.

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Something about malls makes me completely claustrophobic. And in addition to the claustrophobia, I don’t like them because I become financially irresponsible on the rare occasions I do venture into one.  

This past weekend, I stopped by a mall home store to buy replacements for a set of pilsner glasses my husband and I had received as a wedding gift several years ago — the 12 glasses we started with had dwindled to just two. I came home with twelve new pilsner glasses…and a museum-quality pedestal on which I am now displaying my award-winning .

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Because I shop at malls so rarely, I cannot be trusted to adhere to my shopping list when I see the array of store choices at my disposal. I end up buying completely random things that come home, age like a fine wine, and are then donated to charity, because I never needed them in the first place.

And although I did not need another reason to avoid malls, the news today brought yet another reason to do so … the . Have you read this? Some guy is stabbing teen and twenty-something women in their rear ends while they shop at Forever 21 and H&M.

This not only makes me empathize with the victims of these horrifyingly traumatic violent assaults, but it also makes me question what it is that happens in someone’s life that leads them down the path of becoming the Serial Butt Stabber. As with anyone who ultimately turns to a life of crime, I’m guessing there were signs. Should his parents and teachers have been concerned when he won the “Most Likely to Stab Women in the Butt” superlative his senior year of high school? Do former girlfriends wish they had questioned him more thoroughly when he eyed other girls and muttered, “Nice butt…I’d love to stab it”? Should Amazon have alerted the authorities when he downloaded Butt Stabbing for Dummies to his Kindle?

We may never know. What I do know is we are all hoping they catch this guy as quickly as possible and that all of the victims make a full recovery.

Along with our economy.                                                    

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