Partial Recall

I think I speak for many of us when I say that I was completely shocked to discover that Arnold Schwarzenegger was unfaithful to Maria Shriver. Well, not so much that he was with another woman — for goodness’ sake, he’s married to a Kennedy where cheating husbands are part of the package. No, I’m mostly astounded that for such a public figure, he was able to successfully lead such a private parallel life for so many years.

As will sometimes happen, this revelation has caused me to examine my own life and makes me want to live more honestly. It may surprise you to know I have also been leading a double life for some time now. And as difficult as it is to admit this, it is exhausting keeping the secret and I know that acknowledging what I have done and living up to my responsibility is the right thing to do. So here goes:

I, too, had a baby with a member of our household staff.

Granted, our household staff consists of me and my husband so this announcement is somewhat less scandalous … but still, what relief to get that monkey off my back.

So to speak.

In all seriousness, though, I actually do lead a bit of a double life, the one life where I am a government contracting professional and preschool mom and the one where I write a blog called “Brutalism.”

I’ve been writing my blog for almost seven years now, but did not begin actively sharing or promoting it until a little more than two years ago, so the fear of the two discrete worlds overlapping is a relatively recent development.

When I say “fear,” I don’t mean I think I’ll get fired or that other parents won’t let my daughter play with their children if they discover the blog. I mean, it’s not like I have a fetish blog or anything (even though the title “Brutalism” may suggest otherwise). However, I do get concerned at times that colleagues or customers may stumble upon it and learn more than they ever hoped to know about my laser hair removal procedures, my parents driving through a car wash naked, or my fascination with swinging (from a purely journalistic perspective, and not as a participant). Ahem.

I handle this concern the way I handle most challenging situations in my life — with a healthy dose of denial. I write blog posts as though I am talking to my closest friends and then conveniently forget that when I post notification of new content on Facebook, my Facebook friends include the Reverend who married me, my elementary school principal, one of the teachers at my daughter’s preschool and my in-laws.

And if anyone ever does discover the double life I'm leading, I suppose the upside is that at least I won't have my career as a kindergarten cop caught on film.