I Wonder If I Can Save 50% on a Bankruptcy Attorney?

Oh, sure. It started out as something fun with which to experiment … an innocent pastime that made me feel like I was embracing life and expanding my horizons by signing on to try new things. But it quickly turned into something more than that — something that quickly spun out of control. I believe I now have a full-fledged Groupon addiction, which is second only to Zima in terms of embarrassingly shameful dependencies you’d be required to disclose in rehab.

My overuse of this coupon site has become so rampant that “Groupon” is now a dirty word in our household. (Picture us doing Triumph the Insult Comic Dog impressions by saying, “… for me to Groupon!”)

I’m very contemporary with my pop culture references. Try to keep up.

Not only is this whole Groupon thing not good for my bank account, but the varied list of purchases also reminds me what a schizophrenic dilettante I truly am. Worse yet, it reminds me I am a procrastinating schizophrenic dilettante, because it will occasionally send me an email listing all of the Groupons I have purchased and not yet used.

Jeez, Groupon … lay off, already.

Following is a list of some of the necessary products and services I have purchased through this site: 

• Laser hair removal treatments
• A tour of gargoyles at the National Cathedral
• A dozen cupcakes
• Sailing lessons
• A three-month membership to a CSA farm club
• A four-month membership in a running training program
• Fly fishing lessons

Further, Groupon reminds me I am a total hypocrite, because in the past, I have mocked ads that offer discounts on things like Lasik surgery, and here I am opening my wallet for a cut-rate laser hair removal medical procedure. It is only for my arm pits, so I’m not that concerned I will turn into the Elephant Man should something go horribly wrong. Although, I recently learned that hair removal identifies me as completely off-trend now that Lady Gaga has brought back armpit hair in a big and brilliantly-colored way.

I suppose admitting there is a problem is half the battle. Now if Groupon would just offer a discounted 12-step program ...