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Community Corner

And The Oscar Goes To …

… the audience for enduring the most boring awards show, ever.

For the first time in many years, my husband and I actually saw most of the Oscar-nominated movies. This was a strategic effort that entailed planning which films to see, discussing them thoughtfully, and timing it so we would see them all before the awards show.

The Oscars have always been kind of a big deal to my husband and me. Thanks to one of my best friends, we had the bizarre and hilarious opportunity to serve cocktails to A-listers at the Vanity Fair Oscar party three different years. We’d make a vacation out of it, and spend a week in L.A. leading up to the big day enjoying being in the midst of all the excitement and preparations. That was back when we had time for trips to L.A. and time to see all of the nominated movies and we actually knew who most of the movie stars were.

Then we had a kid.

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Now when we do get rare time out together, we prefer activities where we can actually talk to each other. So as much as I love movies, I haven’t seen as many as I’d like in the past few years. I’ve become that annoying person who watches the Oscar-nominated movies from three years ago via Netflix and wants to discuss them endlessly with others who have long since forgotten plot lines and performances.

I had become so far removed from all things Hollywood I didn’t even watch the Academy Awards broadcast last year. (And subsequently had nothing to talk to my gay male friends about for weeks after.)

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But this year was different. And not in a good way, it turned out.

With all of my research done, I could not wait for the awards show this year. But it was not the awards show I remember.

Where was the Lara Flynn Boyle wackadoo ballerina? Matt Stone and Trey Parker dressed in drag? Is it asking too much to want one dress made from American Express cards? The show didn’t used to think so. Where was the plastic surgery gone awry? The amulets of each other’s blood worn as necklaces? The indulgently long and weepy acceptances? The Roberto Begnini seat walking? Actual comedians telling the jokes?

Everyone looked nice. Everyone thanked the appropriate people. There were no gushing awards speeches or even any humor.

It was all backward — there were actors singing (Gwyneth Paltrow) singers acting (Justin Timberlake), actors producing (Kevin Spacey) and Trent Reznor wrote the winning score for a mainstream feature film. Seriously???

The show even ended on time.

I was completely disillusioned. I want my Hollywood ending.

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